FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
