So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
