eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
