Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
