I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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