Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
