i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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