i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize