I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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