bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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