You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
