Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
