k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
