Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
where are my eyebrows?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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