So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
