I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
