My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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