it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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