You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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