2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
