a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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