I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
