These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
