So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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