I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize