Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
