glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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