What did we do last night that was yellow?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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