Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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