I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
