I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
