i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
