she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
