They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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