just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
