You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
