At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
