I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
