So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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