he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
that is very illegal...i love you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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