I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We don't watch enough power rangers
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
