just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
