all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
