i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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