Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
