i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was born a porn star she said
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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