That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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