i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize