Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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