There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
