I think I died a long time ago.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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