The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
