Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
