I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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