We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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