I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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