Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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