you guys were way drunker than both of me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
