i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
