I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
