im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
