I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
