The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
