Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
