she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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